Two political parties have now emerged in the City’s elections and are contesting the historic Ward of Bedspread (which adjoins Candlewick, of course). The first of these, previously mentioned, is the Standing Party. The Standers stand up for all sorts of things. They stand up for the Temple, Smithfield, Holborn, Farringdon Within, Cheap and Bedspread. Their publicity shows them in various modes of standing – beside street works and Boris bikes, outside licensed premises and on railway platforms. They stand a lot but they don’t stand for criticism or mockery. They are rather short of humour, perhaps because they stand so much of the time and it gets rather tiring.
The other party are the Sitting Party. It originated, I think we may safely say, with Occupy LSX, which became Occupy St Paul’s. The Sitters like to sit around and talk, especially in tents and occupied buildings. They will talk to anyone and about anything. Any policies they might have are rather il-defined and changeable, because a further conversation, especially in an ad hoc general assembly, sitting around, might change them. They are strong on rhetoric but rather limited in effective action. They do sometimes stand up for things but that is not because they have any sympathy with the Standers, they don’t.
Standers, incidentally, sometimes sit down, but not often, and the more extreme Standers are to be seen striding up and down Gresham Street, and are known from this occupation as Striders. Striding for Cheap! Striding for Farringdon! Striding for the City! The more extreme Sitters are partial to chaining themselves to things – railings, pulpits, etc.
I guess that the Standers may not be very keen on my left of centre politics. They probably suspect I am a closet Sitter. The Sitters, however, are certain that I Stand for something, so they are not very keen on me either. I think this difficulty can be resolved by becoming a Bobber. Bobbing enables you to stand up for some things and to sit down for others, with a bit in between when you are neither a Stander nor a Sitter. Up and down, up and down – you will either please every one and be elected, or no-one, and not be re-elected, which would be a shame. Bobbing has a lot to recommend it. It is clearly bi-partisan in approach. Bobbers are perfect candidates for a coalition and can work with any political party. So, join me in the Bobbing Party. Bob for Bedspread! Bob for the City!